A Note On Loss
by Obsessed Fanboy
Summary: This is a true story, I figured I could use it for good, this is why I'm Russia
1. He was

If you're reading this it's because I finally opened up. I decided to gift offense to some and understanding to others. I've lost many people in my life, before you start the 'I'm so sorry for your loss'(es) don't. Because I've never lost anyone to death. I've lost some to betrayal, others to themselves, some I lost just because they didn't like me anymore. The thing about me is, I don't care about myself, I really, really don't. So I care instead about those who care about me, and it's not just 'we grew apart' shit, no, I let these people in after warnings and warnings and barricades I put up to try and protect myself.

They still leave, acting as if the fact they were taking away pieces of my soul wasn't a big deal. It wasn't to death, but in the only way I can imagine, it's the same. They aren't who you knew, you don't get that person, they're gone. I don't feel things for myself much, I grieve and channel other people's feelings, I know I do. Someone I care for very deeply lost someone, I felt their pain…. They didn't understand. I don't try to explain myself, because I know they won't understand, they couldn't possibly, and I'm glad, I wish this pain on not even the lowest of the low.

I want anyone who has done this to someone to know, It's okay. You really can't understand until you've been there, so many types of loss are spoken about, understood. This one unfortunately doesn't make many, if any lists. The people who were once my reason for living, they dropped me, like I was a barbel. I write this to give myself closure. I hope it does someone good….

-Russia


	2. Teach Me?

(Germany's POV)

I started mentally fussing at myself, _He doesn't care about your concern! Amd he certainly wouldn't let you continue to take care of him if he knew how nice you thought his laugh sounded! Get yourself together!_ I snap out of my trance, noticing I'd been helping with donner on autopilot.

I turned to Feliciano, "Lovino said he's getting a shower and would be down in time for dinner, I gave him a sweat shirt for when he gets _cold_." I tried to send the message through the way I said the word, and Feli nodded.

"Grazie Germany, I knew you'd be perfect to help." I smile at him,

"I'm glad, you and Lovino are like family to me at this point, and Japan of course. Before all of this it was just Gilbert and I."

He smiles and turns around continuing to cook, later when we all sit down to the meal I'm surprised to see Gilbert and Lovino acting so civil toward each other. _Maybe this won't be too bad._ Of course that thought makes everything go downhill.

It all started with Prussia saying, "Italy and I-"

I cut him off, "They're both Italy."

I see Vene smile brightly at Romano beside me, so I look over to see him blushing.

He stutters out a, "T-thanks, bastard." I chuckle.

"Well it's the truth, besides you're older so if either one of you should be called Italy it would be you, since the capital of the whole country is your capital and you were here first. No offense, Feliciano." I added at the end.

He furrows his brows still smiling, "I really don't mind, it's a refreshing perspective."

Lovino cuts in, "I don't need you to suck up to me Potato Bastard."

I frown, "I'm not sucking up, I just get really irritated that everyone treats you the way they do. This is kind of just an opportunity to express that."

His blush is slowly fading, he rolls his eyes, "You don't have to be nice to me because of what you know."

Now I'm genuinely hurt, "I told you I wouldn't treat you any differently and I'm not, this has been bothering me for some time you can ask Vene." I said purposely using the Northern Italian's Nation name.

Feliciano nods, "Roma he's been telling me how much it bothered him since the day I introduced you two."

At the confirmation from his brother who wouldn't lie about something like that I see Romano take in the information and start to blush, _He's so handsome, and that blush is adorable._ I'm startled by the thought the second I realize it's there. _Nein, you are to take care of him, besides he'd never like you anyway._ After the mental talk with myself I feel a bit better and I look at Prussia,

"East? You okay, you've been quiet..." I see my brother blush and then start rambling about how he was speechless at his own awesomeness. _Nothing to worry about for now then._

"So what are we gonna do tonight?" I ask the question before I think too much about it.

Lovino and Feliciano look at each other and Feli explains, "We usually practice, we used to take and then teach classes."

"What kinds of classes?" I'm curious.

Lovino smiles proudly, "Dance idiota, Tarantella, Rumba, Jive, Tango, Bolero, Foxtrot, West Coast Swing, Salsa, and Ballet."

Vene nods, "Lovi is better at them than I am though, I always end up needing to take his lead."

I blush, "I don't even know how to dance casually."

Lovino's jaw drops, "At all?! Nope, come on- I'll teach you to dance, we can start with the box step after you stretch."

After telling me I'd need to be in comfortable but movable clothes, I but on my workout shorts and signature wifebeater.

"Will this work?" I ask nervous, sure I'll make a fool of myself.

He swallows when he looks at me, "It'll do."

I swallow nervously, "How should I stretch? I wanna be prepared in case I'm better than I think I'll be."

He comes up behind me pushing my shoulders down, "Sit down, and I'll help you- you'll need it. You don't need that much stretching for today- but we'll stretch you more today so it'll be easier next time."

I nod, understanding the idea. When I sit on the floor he comes up and pulls my legs into a wide v-shape.

"Now, you're going to lean straight forward as far as you can and hold it for about a minute." I feel my muscles strain a bit, used to being worked but in a way to focus on making them stronger not flexible.

We do some side stretches and then it's time for my legs, I know this won't be fun.

"So first you're going to lay on your back and pull your legs up like you would sit on a bike."

He continues to instruct, "Then you'll move them in small circular motions like riding one to loosen them up a little before these stretches- They're gonna hurt you a little but it necessary if you want to learn to dance and not injure yourself."

I nod, "I trust you."

My movement's start and after a little bit I pull my knees up to my chest, he comes over to me and straightens my legs out in the position, my knees now beside my ears and I feel the stretch burn- but it's not overwhelming and I know it'll be good for me. When he tells me to stand up I realize I already feel better- more loose.

"Okay, I need you to lean with your hands holding you against the wall. I'm going to work your legs the other way now and then we can get started." he warns me.

When I feel his rough hands on my legs and think about his baritone voice I shiver, his hands pulling my leg backward and raising it to make my body make a y with my leg on the ground as the stem.

20 minutes later I discover that I'm not as bad at dancing as I thought I would be, Lovino is a kind and patient teacher, and that I'm in desperate need of a shower.

After drying off I put on some fresh boxers and a pair of pajama pants. Romano is already fast asleep and when I lay down facing him he snuggles into my arms. After a yawn I close my eyes and enter the land of dreams.

The dream starts off with me baking, not that strange- I'm usually in a good mood if I'm doing it so this should be a good dream. And I discover it is when I feel arms wrap around my waist and soft lips kissing my neck. Mhm, I sigh. I feel the lips against my neck smirk but before I can turn around and figure out who it is I wake up to a blaring alarm.

Lovino whines in my ear, I turn it off and he cuddles up against me again, and as long as I don't think about it being him I'm okay. Veneziano has desensitized me to people using me as a human pillow. While most would think that I wouldn't be a good pillow, while not flexed muscles are actually quite soft, and warm.

When I try to untangle myself from the smaller man- I find my task quite difficult him whining and clinging to me. It's really cute and don't want to wake him so I give up and decide to lay there. Until I hear moaning coming from the next room.


End file.
